


Bend or Break

by Biekewieke



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon, Canon Divergence, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers to Enemies to..., Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), I kinda went my own way with this, Pre-Post-TROS, Reylo babies, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biekewieke/pseuds/Biekewieke
Summary: It's been six months since the Battle of Crait.Both sides of the war have been continuing down their path, both sides struggling with loss.For some, it's just business. But for others, it's personal.For Rey of Jakku and Kylo Ren... it most certainly is personal.Once again, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the Jedi, Hope of the Resistance confront each other and clash.How will they react and what will transpire when Bonds are blocked and unexpected events are thrown their way?Will either of them bend? Or will they break?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 51
Kudos: 125
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tweis24](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tweis24/gifts).



> Dear Reader, 
> 
> This story was based off of the prompts that were given to me by tweis24  
> I could not pick just one, so I ended up trying to combine all three into a story that might just end up making the recipient happy.  
> I hope this was the case. I hope you enjoyed it. In the end, that is all any of us can really hope for. 
> 
> Much thanks to the wonderful lemniscates for being an awesome beta!

Chapter 1

  
  


_Kylo blinked in confusion._ _  
__He was back in the mine on Crait._ _  
__Anger and frustration still rolled off of him as he strode inside. The footsteps of several squads thudded along with his own, echoing off the walls, amplified by the remains of that large durasteel door._ _  
__He noticed a chamber off to the side and remnants of his mother’s Force signature lingered there. He signaled for the squad to continue on, to check the rest of the cave. The Rebels might still be here._ _  
__He walked towards the abandoned chamber, warding off the two Troopers who followed him because of protocol._ _  
__He noticed the shimmer of a familiar item on the floor._ _  
__He bent down and picked it up._ _  
__Han’s dice._ _  
__His father’s face flashed before his eyes again, and he closed his eyes briefly, pushing back the emotions that always threatened to swallow him whole whenever he thought of that defining moment._ _  
__When he opened them, the dice disappeared in his fingers. Bitterness filled him and he clenched his teeth._ _  
__Then, everything went still around him._ _  
__The back of his neck prickled and his stomach trembled._ _  
__The Bond._ _  
__He looked up and there she was._ _  
__She stood higher up, and he recognized the sounds of the Falcon._ _  
__She saw him then, and she went completely still. She stared at him._ _  
__He felt it then. That pull. That irresistible need to connect with her. Stronger than his determination to destroy the Resistance. Stronger than his need for revenge._ _  
__She felt it too, he knew as much. They shared a Bond. They were connected through the Force. She couldn’t hide the emotions from him. And they mirrored his own._ _  
__He gazed up at her, a plea in his eyes._ _  
_Don’t leave me.

_The look in her eyes grew cold. Her mouth flattened, her chin came up._ _  
__The message was clear._ _  
__And then the Bond fizzed out, leaving him alone again, on his knees in an abandoned mine on a forsaken planet._

_He roared with rage._

Kylo Ren awoke with a start, sitting upright in his bed.  
He was bathing in sweat, his sheets drenched. He was breathing hard, his heart beating erratically.  
He shoved his hands in his hair and then pressed the heels of his hands in his eyes. 

  
It had been like this every night since the Failure of Crait. 

Every single night, the same nightmare plagued him. Nothing ever changed. Not a single detail. He relived the same thing night after night, agonizing over it.

  
He had come to terms with his humiliation that day. The fact that Luke had projected himself to allow the Resistance the time to stage an escape barely mattered anymore.  
The old man had died doing so. It wasn’t the death Kylo had wished him, but in the end, death was death. 

No, it was losing Rey that drove him crazy. 

  
She belonged at his side, and they both knew it. She was just trying to avoid the inevitable.  
Rey had been blocking the Bond ever since that day, now almost six months ago.  
Kylo had gone on a rampage since, making the galaxy pay for her decision to walk away.  
He had started an inquisition, a witch hunt, combing out every nook and cranny in trying to find her. 

  
He knew what his men were saying.  
That he was obsessed. That he was losing his mind.  
Kylo laughed bitterly in the silence of his chambers. 

  
They were right.

  
He reached out through their Bond, softly trying to connect to her. It almost worked. He felt the Bond tingle and open just a tiny bit, right before he felt her defenses slam down on him again. 

  
_Kriff!_

  
It had almost worked. And it hadn’t taken long.  
Which could only mean one thing: they were getting closer.  
The Resistance was running out of places to hide. And when they had nowhere left to go, he would have her back. 

  
It was just a matter of time.


	2. Chapter 2

  
  


**Chapter 2**

  
  


Rey woke up from mild slumber and felt his Force signature slide against hers.   
She loathed to admit it, but she missed their connection, hated the loneliness of not feeling his soul linked to hers.   
At first, she allowed the familiarity to settle around her like a soft blanket, revelling in the warmth of being reunited with her Force Bond mate. 

  
But then she realized it wasn’t a dream.    
Kylo Ren was really trying to connect with her again. 

  
She awoke with a start and clamped down her mental defenses faster than she ever had before. She sighed and fell back on the pillow. 

  
_ When was he going to give it up?  _

  
Rey had been fighting him off for the past six months. He was relentless. He kept trying to reconnect, no matter how many times she warded him off. No matter how much she pushed him away, he kept coming back. 

  
Rey sighed again and pushed her hands against her eyes.    
She growled at the realization that part of her wanted to reconnect with him. She’d held out such hope, had had such faith in him.   
When he had killed Snoke, she had believed he’d turned and together they had fought side by side. Their Bond had hummed, their connection so deeply embedded. Together, they had moved in beautiful harmony, their movements synchronized and mirrored and Rey had never felt more alive as when she had embraced all that they were right then. 

  
The aftermath had been sobering. 

  
As Ben regressed back into Kylo Ren, so had her hope. Things soon took a turn for the worst and they were left on opposite sides of the war again. Quite literally.    
They’d been on the run since Crait, touching down on several planets but never settling. The First Order had always been close. Somehow they had always managed to find them. 

  
Until now. 

  
Here, on this forsaken planet in the Outer Rim, they had been able to stay put for the past month without any sign of the First Order finding them. It had given them a sense of security. 

  
Rey sat up and dangled her feet off the edge of the bunk.    
She’d had far too little sleep and could feel a headache coming on. She got up hesitantly, testing sore muscles and stretching them gently before walking over to the wash basin. 

  
Once again, she felt the back of her neck prickle and her stomach trembled.    
The Bond was kicking in again.    
She let out another frustrated sigh, the Maker knows how many so far. She closed her eyes and prayed for patience and strength and by doing so, she ended up being too late. 

  
“Rey.” 

  
The sound of his voice was… odd. As if he was relieved to see her. Happy, even.    
She took a deep breath and was about to force him out when his voice halted her. 

  
“Wait, stop!” 

  
Rey would never know why, but somehow she wound up listening. 

  
“Leave me alone, Kylo Ren,” she bit out harshly, her words only barely above a whisper. 

  
“I can’t. You know that.” 

  
She turned and saw him, standing but a few feet away. He seemed larger than life. 

  
“You should. We have nothing more to say to each other.” 

  
“Is that really what you think?” he said softly as he took a step closer. 

  
Rey widened her stance in defense, her hand hovering near her lightsaber.    
The corners of his mouth quirked. 

  
“Seriously? We’ve already established we can’t hurt each other through the Bond. We can fight, but we can’t wound each other.” 

  
“I can try,” she bit back. 

  
Tension grew as they were quiet for a moment, as he narrowed his eyes at her. 

  
“You’re hard to find,” he said at last as he cocked his head.    
  


“You’re hard to get rid of,” she countered.    
  


“You can’t get rid of me. You know that.”    
  


His voice was far too soft.    
Rey frowned. Her frown turned into a scowl as he continued.    
  


“I’ll always find you. You can’t run from me. Deep inside, you know that. Our connection will see to it.”   
  


It confirmed what she had been thinking for a while now.    
Kylo Ren kept finding them because of her. She swallowed hard, ignoring the niggle of fear that was starting to grow in the pit of her stomach.    
  


“Just as you know I’ll always keep running.”   
  


He stepped closer again and stared into her face, studying it intensely.    
Rey’s heartbeat hitched, then returned at double speed. When his eyes lingered on her lips, she could feel his desire to kiss her. It caught her off balance.    
  


“I’ll never stop searching. I will find you. And when I do, I’ll make you turn to the Dark Side. And when I offer you my hand again, you’ll take it. You’ll either bend or break.”    
  


Rey had been watching his mouth as he formed his words. Her stomach leapt and fluttered at the insistence she heard in his voice. When she met his eyes, the look in those dark depths was so intense it caused her to shiver with anticipation.   
  


“Never.”   
  


She shoved him and slammed down her defenses, effectively cutting him off.    
  


Rey was left standing in the middle of her meager room, trembling and oddly excited. 

It also made her realize once again that she had indeed been leading the First Order to them. She was the reason they kept being found.    
  


She looked out the small window of her quarters and saw people walking around, her friends 

busy at building a new settlement, trying to find a way to survive.    
  


_ I am endangering them all.  _   
  


Rey made up her mind right then and there.    
She would no longer put them in harm’s way. She quickly packed her things, and took several rations and water with her.    
As Rey exited the small building, she almost ran smackdab into Finn.    
  


“Hey Peanut!” he greeted her with his usual exuberance. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”   
  


Rey looked into his sweet face, a pang of misery and regret settled in her chest, leaving her hoping she’d find a way to see her dear friend again.    
  


“I’m going out on a small mission. Nothing big. You?”   
  


Finn seemed a little taken back by her question.    
  


“Euhm… I’m going to meet with Rose and Leia. They wanted to go over some new tech they’re working on.”    
  


“Oh, wonderful!” Rey exclaimed a bit too loud. “Please do give them my regards?”   
  


Finn frowned.    
  


“You haven’t seen Leia about this mission yet?”    
  


Rey’s eyes widened.    
  


“No, it’s just something really small. Nothing to worry about. I’ll be back before you know it.”   
  


Finn was about to say something, so Rey decided to act fast.    
  


“Right, so I’ll be off then. The sooner I leave, the sooner I’m back! See you later,” she said as she kissed his cheek and started moving.    
  


“Rey!” Finn shouted, but Rey was too hellbent on getting off this planet to wait around.    
  


She quickly made her way to the other side of the base, where they kept their ships.    
As inconspicuously as she could, she made her way over to them.    
She considered taking an X-wing, but then changed her mind and walked towards the Falcon. It didn’t feel right, neither of them did. But she considered the Falcon her home more than anything. Leaving it behind was hard.    
  


Flying without a co-pilot was difficult, but not something she hadn’t done before.    
She settled in, primed everything for take-off and left without looking back. She quickly dismantled every tracking device she could find, the Force her helpful companion.    
They would still be able to contact her if need be, but she wouldn’t be there to lead the wrath of Kylo Ren to them. 

  
Now, all she would need to do was figure out where to go.    
  


Rey hovered around in space, putting the Falcon into auto-pilot and leaned back into the pilot’s chair. How on earth was she going to decide?    
She pinched her bottom lip with her index-finger and her thumb and stared out at the stars 

around her.    
  


Nothing came to mind. Nothing at all.    
  


She remembered what Poe had done a time or two. She wasn’t a fan, and the Falcon wasn’t in prime condition to pull off a stunt like that, but… it might be for the best. That way, wherever she ended up, she could blame fate.    
Rey let out a deep sigh and primed everything for the jump.    
  


_ Three skips.  _ _   
  
_

As she pushed the buttons and pulled the lever that would put her into hyperspace, she held her breath.

_ One… _

She pulled it back and ended up on a desert planet.    
_ Awww, no way! Not this again!  _   
Rey pulled the lever again, worrying all the time.    
The Falcon’s alternator had only just been patched up. She was sure to blow it again. 

_ Two… _

When Rey pushed it back, she was on some dark planet, with rather murky looking swamps and bogs. She quickly maneuvered the dense trees with hanging moss that were everywhere, trying to make a little altitude to get to a more safe level.    
When Rey finally rose above the rooftops, she prayed to the Force.    
She pulled the lever a final time.    
  


_ Three…  _

As she performed that final skip and pulled the lever one last time, she was afraid to find out where she’d end up.    
But when she dropped from lightspeed, Rey let out a sigh of relief. She quickly pushed the right buttons, slowing down the Falcon. 

  
Rey appeared to be on a moderate planet.    
She flew over a large forest with bright green foliage, where several lakes glistened, and large meadows could be seen at the edge. 

  
Rey could work with this. She could make a home for herself here.    
Even if it was alone. She had been used to it before. She’d get used to it again.    
No matter how much heartache was involved now, being away from the people she had grown to care about so deeply, she would find a way around it.    
At least she would be able to sleep better knowing she wasn’t putting them in harm’s way anymore. 

  
Rey landed the Falcon near the edge of the meadow and the forest, deciding it was best to have the protection of the trees and the wide view from the meadow.    
Once everything was turned off properly, Rey pushed the button to lower the ramp and stepped outside. 

  
The smell of fresh summer grass and the warmth of the sun on her face was so nice after the humid heat of their last base.    
Rey took a moment to enjoy the atmosphere, getting used to the surroundings and acquainting herself with the Force on this planet.    
It seemed relatively mild, nothing but the gentle growth and organic way of nature.   
No other lifeforms were to be sensed except a bit of wildlife that lived in the forest.    
  


She soon set out to explore her immediate surroundings, just a large perimeter of where she had landed the Falcon.    
There was a freshwater spring nearby, with an idyllic waterfall and a small pond. Wildflowers and ferns grew around it, the scent heady and intoxicating and Rey felt a sliver of happiness and anticipation roll through her.    
On the other side of the waterfall, beyond the tiny rise, there was a natural orchard with sweet smelling orange-pink fruits.    
  


Rey smiled and walked back towards the Falcon with a bit of a spring in her step.   
Despite her solitude, she imagined this would be a wonderful place to live.    
When she was finished with her wide inspection, she got back inside the ship and looked up some information of where she was.    
  


She discovered after a lengthy search, that she was currently on the planet Aegin, in the Lemsia System in the outer rim.    
Nothing much was known about the planet, other than that it was small and unimportant, since it was rather isolated. There were no known civilizations left, the last one had become extinct two centuries before the Empire had even been created.    
It eased Rey’s worry somewhat.    
  
The last thing she needed now, was to be found. By either side of the war.    
  
Rey puttered around the Falcon to fill the rest of her day. Tidying some things up and trying to fix certain parts that had been in need of maintenance for a while. 

She did whatever she could to keep herself busy, to keep her mind off the fact that she had made a pretty impulsive decision. One that she might end up regretting if she gave herself the time to contemplate it.    
  


As night fell and Rey prepared herself for bed, she did what she had been doing for several nights now. Something her new Master, Leia, had told her about, and Rey had been trying ever since.   
She reached out and tried to connect with the spirits of the Jedi who came before her.    
Rey drifted off to sleep, muttering the same words over and over again. 

  
“Be with me.”    
  



	3. Chapter 3

  
  


**Chapter 3**

  
  


Kylo Ren had had a terrible day.    
He stood in his ‘fresher, one that made use of real water instead of the more basic ones that used ultrasone vibrations. It was one of the perks of being the Supreme Leader.    
Unfortunately, he was coming to terms that there weren’t that many perks at all. 

  
Here, in the solitude of his ‘fresher, he allowed himself to be honest with himself.    
This relatively small cabin, with its hot water and no distractions whatsoever, gave him the chance to just be.    
Here, he admitted to himself that sometimes, although very rarely, he missed being Ben Solo.    
  


And here and now, he couldn’t deny that he  _ was _ Ben Solo.    
  


He wasn’t proud of it.    
After all, he had done unthinkable things to gain power, and he truly enjoyed it.    
He relished the dominance he had over others, he reveled in their fear of him.    
He was in total command and it made him feel things he had craved for so long.    
  


_ But sometimes…  _ _   
  
_

Sometimes, that pull to the Light was so very strong, and he longed to cave.    
He’d struggled with it ever since he had turned to the Dark Side. And he realized that this call of the Light had a lot to do with Rey. Rey brought out the Ben Solo in him. 

His Light. 

Just like him, she was not just one or the other. She was both. But unlike him, she had no issues with going Dark every now and then. Her anger, her rage, her passion… That was Darkness.    
  


He often wondered how she managed not to be sucked in completely as he was.    
He lowered his head as he braced himself against the wall with his hands. He let his head hang so the hot water could pelt him.    
He longed to be free of this constant tug of war.    
If Rey was with him, he wouldn’t need to doubt himself. If Rey was with him, he could be himself again.   
  


_ Rey…  _ _   
  
_

His thoughts always centered around her eventually.    
He took a deep breath and found his center. As he focused, his Force signature reached out for hers. It happened slowly, much slower than before. Had she moved away again?    
But then they connected, and what he sensed almost brought him to his knees. 

  
_ “Be with me.” _

It was the longing that came with the words that made him tremble.    
  


He opened his eyes and felt that prickle in the back of his neck. That tremor in his stomach that had once been as familiar as breathing. 

He looked to the side and saw her on a bed. She was slipping in deep slumber, her eyes closed and her features relaxed.    
  


She looked ethereally beautiful.    
  


He felt his body respond and he was painfully remembered of his current state of dress.    
He quickly turned off the water and wrapped a towel around himself.    
He was tucking it in when he heard her voice again.    
  


“Ben?”    
  


Her voice was soft and there was a breathless quality to it that made goosebumps break out on his rapidly cooling skin.    
  


The strangest sensation passed through him. An odd mix of panic and relief. He looked at her and saw she was very obviously still asleep. It calmed him, since he realized that it was her subconscious talking. 

_ And her subconscious was reaching out to him?  _ _   
_ Joy filled his heart. 

  
“Ben, is that you?”   
  


His instinct kicked in.    
  


“Yes, Sweetheart, it’s me,” he said as he slowly padded over to the bunk. “Go back to sleep, everything’s fine.”   
  


Rey’s eyes fluttered closed again, a deep contented sigh leaving her.    
  


“Good. It’s about time you came back to me.”   
  


Ben sat down at the edge of the bunk and recognized the bedding. She was on the Falcon.    
He touched her cheek with the back of his hand and tucked a stray curl behind her ear.    
  


“I will always come back to you, Rey.”   
  


He swallowed over the sudden lump in his throat.    
Rey reached out blindly. She grabbed his hand and turned around to lay on her side, pulling him with her.    
Ben had no other choice but to follow, which meant he had to get on the bed and lay behind her.    
  


“I know,” she sighed and he felt her slip into complete slumber. Their connection didn’t break, and it made him frown.    
  


_ Those words…  _ _   
  
_

Flashes from his childhood came back, of moments that weren’t as bad as his usual memories. Moments of stolen kisses and “I love you - I know”s.    
  


_Did she…?_ _  
_ _No, she couldn’t._ _  
_ _But what if she did?_   
  


She shifted in his arms, snuggling closer and in that moment, he had the good sense to stop worrying. She was in his embrace, he could hold her as he had wanted to do for so long.    
He sighed and pulled her a little closer as he closed his eyes. He had no idea how this would pan out, but he would at least have this memory forever. And he would go after her again in the morning. Nothing would stop him now.

The thought swirled in his mind as he slipped off to sleep, darkness enveloping him softly. 


	4. Chapter 4

  
  


**Chapter 4**

  
  


Rey woke the next morning, well rested and in an oddly good mood. 

She’d had the most wonderful dream.    
Ben had come to her.    
Not Kylo. 

  
_ Ben _ .    
  


He had been gentle and tender and he had held her while they slept.    
She stretched in her bed, moaning at the delicious sensation.    
It had been such a sweet dream. She smiled sadly. 

  
Her Ben was gone.    
  


The sooner she accepted that, the easier she could move on.    
She got up from her bed, freshed herself up a little and then went in search of some caf and some food.

As she ate quietly, she contemplated the dream again.    
It had felt so incredibly real.    
She had prayed to be connected to the Jedi who came before, and Ben had come forward.    
What did that mean?    
What had the Force been trying to show her?    
  


The only thing Rey kept thinking was that she must miss Ben more than she realized..    
  


When she finished her breakfast, she decided to go outside and just enjoy the scenery. Go for a walk. Try to relax a little. She’d been so on edge for so long… She didn’t think she remembered what it was like to just be.    
And so she set out to discover more about this new home of hers, armed with her backpack filled with water and ration bars.    
  


\---

  
Ben woke up languidly and was disconcerted to find himself lying alone on his bed.    
Panic flitted through him briefly when he could not find Rey, until he remembered last night fully.    
  


Determination settled in his soul.    
  


He would find her. Of that he was certain.    
Ben sat down cross-legged on his bed, and started meditating. He whispered into the air, into the Force, as he had seen Rey do.    
  


_ Be with me.  _

The words felt odd on his tongue, but he persisted.    
  


_ Be with me.  _   
  


He chanted it softly, willing himself to connect to her subconscious.    
Just as he was about to give up, something shifted around him.    
He opened his eyes and saw luscious scenery. Beautiful green meadows as far as the eye could see, a river meandering through. Massive forests with hidden lakes and waterfalls.    
It looked like paradise. 

  
He realized this was Rey’s perception of wherever she was right now.    
The words tumbled from his lips before he could stop them. 

  
“Where are you?”

  
_ Aegin…  _

  
Ben suddenly felt Rey’s awareness kick in. He felt a forceful shove and suddenly the connection was gone. 

  
He had no idea whether it had been real or not, but he was willing to take a risk.    
He picked up his datapad from his desk and quickly typed in a search for a planet called Aegin, half expecting to come up empty-handed. 

  
But then suddenly, the datapad pulled up a search result.    
Aegin, a lush planet in the Lemsia system. He read a few specifics and decided that it wasn’t really a planet the First Order would want to explore.    
There was nothing of interest there. 

  
_ Good.  _

  
She was there alone. He knew this. He was absolutely certain of it.   
He quickly prepared a backpack, with plenty of rations and water, and then took off for the hangar where his Silencer was docked.    
Without delay, he simply strode straight to it and primed it for departure.    
Before anyone even knew what was going on, Ben had taken off, disabling all his tracking systems. He had sent them a brief communique, saying he was on a mission and he would be back soon. He left Allegiant-General Pryde in charge during his absence. 

That should hold everyone off for the time being. 

He set course to Aegin, hoping for the best.    
  


It was quite the distance, but he punched it, traveling at lightspeed for as long as he could.    
It took him the equivalent of three standard days, but at long last he saw what he suspected was Aegin appear in his line of vision.    
  


His stomach started trembling ever so slightly, a strange pull in his chest told him this was right.    
  


_ She’s here.  _ _   
  
_

He allowed her nearness to be his guide. He followed his instinct and soon caught sight of the Falcon, parked at the edge of a meadow, near a large forest.    
As hope blossomed in his heart, he watched her step out of the ship, her hand hovering near her hip, her staff at her back. He knew things would not go easy, but this was not how he imagined seeing her again.   
  


_ Always so eager to fight… _

He landed his Silencer close to the Falcon. As he lowered the ramp and walked out of his ship, he saw her face grow more and more cantankerous.    
He didn’t let it discourage him.    
  


He neared her, stopping ten feet apart. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither looking away, nor speaking a word.    
Rey was the first to break the silence.    
  


“You found me.”


	5. Chapter 5

  
  


**Chapter 5**

  
  


Her tone was accusing. She was obviously not nearly as happy to see him as he was to see her.    
  


“I did,” he said quietly.    
  
“How?” 

  
Ben smiled despite himself, something he never did.    
  


“You know how,” he said softly and stared at her with admiration clear in his eyes.    
“You look well.”    
  


Rey frowned at his words, and even more at his tone. He sounded almost… wistful.    
  


“I can’t say the same about you,” she quipped.    
  


Ben lowered his eyes.    
He hadn’t been sleeping well, and barely eating. As a result, he had lost weight and his skin had a gloomy pallor, dark smudges beneath his eyes.    
  


“I know.”   
  


Silence descended once more and they stood facing each other.    
  


“If it is a fight you want, then it’s a fight you’ll get.”   
  


Rey reached for her lightsaber and activated it, adopting her battle stance.    
Ben’s face fell.    
  


“I didn’t come here to fight you.”   
  


Another frown marred Rey’s brow.    
  


“Then why did you come for me, Kylo Ren?” She bit the words out with venom lacing her voice.    
  


“I needed to…” He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat.    
  


“You needed what?”    
  


“I needed to see you,” he whispered.    
  


Incredulity was plastered all over Rey’s face as his words registered. She shook her head.    
  


“I know you don’t believe me,” he shifted his weight from one foot to another and studied his leather-clad hands. “But it’s the truth.”

  
“Liar,” she bit out.    
  


His eyes met hers and she was surprised at the blatant honesty she saw reflected in that dark gaze. 

“I’ve never lied to you. I’m not starting now.” 

A strange sensation fluttered in her chest. One she had experienced before but had brought her nothing but suffering. She steeled herself against it.    
  


“Very well, you’ve seen me. You can leave now.”   
  


Ben sighed deeply.    
  


“Rey…” his voice trailed off slowly as he looked away, staring into the horizon. When he returned his gaze to hers, he looked defeated.    
“Is that what you want?” he asked softly, his voice barely audible. “Do you want me to leave?”   
  


Rey’s eyes flashed.    
  


“Yes,” she quipped, anger lacing the single word.    
  


She watched as he flinched slightly. He pursed his lips and his chin trembled, his shoulders hunching just a tad.    
He nodded, and then spoke up, his voice devoid of emotion.    
  


“Very well. I will leave in the morning.” He turned to leave.    
  


“Why don’t you leave now?”    
  


Ben couldn’t believe how harsh her voice was. How stoic the look on her face.    
Had it really only been a few months ago when she had looked at him with her heart in her eyes?    
  


“I just spent the past three days and nights flying here. I need to rest before I return.”    
His voice was still quiet. “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. Aside from looking at my ship, you won’t know I’m here.”   
  


That wasn’t true, Rey thought.    
She would know he was there. That tingling sensation in her veins hadn’t left. As if her body was humming. She frowned again, the umpteenth time since his arrival. If she frowned any harder, she was sure her eyebrows would stay that way.    
  


Ben turned away and started walking towards his ship. As he re-entered it, Rey deactivated her lightsaber. 

  
_ This is odd.  _ _   
  
_

He had flown halfway across the galaxy to see her, only to turn around and be prepared to leave again? There had to be more to it.    
Rey retreated to the Falcon’s ramp, still not taking her eyes off his Silencer.    
It did not take off, it did nothing. Still she kept watch.    
  


When several hours had passed, and Rey had driven herself crazy by coming up with at least a hundred scenarios, a hundred reasons why he was here, she’d had enough.    
  


She left the Falcon and strode right up to the Silencer.    
Without thinking, she pushed the button and lowered the ramp.    
  


The ship was larger on the inside than she had expected. There was a small area behind the cockpit, with a small storage unit and a bunk against the far wall.    
Ben’s hulking form was far too large to fit, but there he was, all bundled up on that tiny slab. He didn’t have a pillow, nor a blanket to make it slightly more comfortable.    
  


A pinch of compassion flitted through her at the sight.    
He looked different when he slept.    
More relaxed, his features looked less harsh. He had an almost innocent quality when he slept. It called out to Rey, despite her will.    
  


She steeled herself yet again.    
  


“Wake up,” she said as she kicked the cot. When he didn’t wake up completely, she kicked it again.    
“Wake up!” she shouted a little harder.    
  


Ben woke up abruptly, jumping up and igniting his lightsaber out of reflex.    
Rey responded just as instinctively, stepping back and igniting her own, clashing it with his in the nick of time.    
  


When he saw her, his eyes widened in surprise, then something akin to hurt flashed in his dark gaze. He pursed his mouth and his hand trembled slightly.    
  


“I knew you didn’t like me,” he said bitterly. “But I never expected you to come at me while I slept.”   
  


“You’re right,” she retorted. “I don’t like you. But I did not draw first.”    
  


Their gazes held for a moment longer, before Rey stepped back and deactivated her saber. Ben took a moment longer to deactivate his, staring at her the entire time, calculating her next move.    
She sensed his wariness as if it were her own.    
  


“Why are you here?” she asked again.    
  


Ben sighed.    
  


“I already told you.” He lowered his gaze, unable to say it again.    
  


“I don’t believe you.”   
  


“Now there’s a first,” he muttered sarcastically.    
  


Rey rolled her eyes at him.    
  


“Why are you really here? There’s more to it than that.”    
  


He didn’t meet her gaze, but she could tell by the way his mouth worked that she was right.    
  


“Tell me,” she insisted.    
  


He stood slowly.    
When his gaze met hers, his eyes were dull.    
  


“It doesn’t matter anymore.”   
  


He made a move to pass her by, but she blocked his way.    
  


“You are not leaving here before you tell me.”    
  


He stared her down and then spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper.    
  


“I have to relieve myself. I’ll tell you after.”    
  


He caught her by surprise with those words and when he tried to pass by her, she let him.    
After a few moments, she followed him outside, making sure to stay on this side of the ship just in case.    
  


When he returned, he made his way back to the ramp of the Silencer. Her voice halted him.    
  


“You said you’d tell me.”   
  


He didn’t even look back.    
  


“I came for you,” he said softly. “To bring you back. To ask you to join me. To offer my hand again.” His shoulders hunched a little and he spoke again, the defeat in his voice apparent. 

  
“I don’t even know why I bothered. I just thought…” his voice trailed off. He shook his head and took another step.    
  


“You thought what?” Her voice halting him once again.    
  


She watched as he took a fortifying breath.    
  


“You wanted to take my hand before. I felt it.” He turned a little and looked at her over his shoulder. “Why didn’t you?”    
  


Rey was shocked. Her mouth opened a little, her eyes widened just a tad.    
She snapped it closed and lifted her chin.    
  


“You could have killed me. Why didn’t you?”   
  


Ben’s face grew infinitely sad.    
  


“I have never tried to kill you Rey. I couldn’t if I wanted to. You know that.” His voice was deceptively soft. Almost tender.    
  


She could feel his sincerity through their Bond. He was being honest. His grief also reached her. It was a deep gash in his soul, as if his very essence was bleeding out of him.    
  


“Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve made your thoughts quite clear.”    
  


Once again, he sounded defeated.    
  


“I don’t see why that would bother you so much.” Her voice was cool, almost calculated.    
  


That made him look at her again.    
  


“Really?”    
  


Rey watched a transition in his features. Surprise and… anger? She kept her silence, which only seemed to add to his anger.    
  


“Then I guess it really doesn’t matter anymore. Now, excuse me while I go back to sleep.”   
  


He turned and walked up the ramp. He’d only taken a few steps before Rey’s voice halted him again.    
  


“Come sleep on the Falcon.”   
  


He looked back over his shoulder with a look that clearly conveyed that she had lost her mind.    
  


“You cannot be serious.”    
  


Rey lifted her chin stubbornly.    
  


“That bunk in your ship is far too small for a man of your size. I doubt you’d be comfortable. The Falcon has full size bunks. You’ll sleep better.”   
  


“And why do you care if I sleep better?” he retorted bitterly.    
  


“The sooner you’re rested, the sooner you’re gone.”   
  


Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before Rey could identify it.    
Before she even knew what was happening, Ben was thundering down the ramp again and stomping his way over to the Falcon.    
He headed straight for the crew quarters, and it surprised Rey until she remembered that he had grown up on this ship.    
  


Ben settled on one of the bunks and let out a contented sigh as his body was able to stretch and relax. He was asleep within minutes.    
  


Rey watched him for a moment and pondered his reaction.    
She tried closing off the Bond again, but it was near impossible because of his physical nearness.    
  


She went outside again, and sat in the shade of the Falcon.

Self-reflection was not her forte. But she couldn’t help herself now.    
She had to admit that it had been strangely comforting to see him. His nearness was soothing somehow, despite the anger that always rose when he was close. And then there was the whole way he had reacted. It was odd. She couldn’t really understand why he would be so upset. 

  
The whole conversation just kept repeating in her mind, over and over again, until she got so mad with herself she was ready to lash out.    
Instead, Rey got up and started a brisk walk into the woods that she had already come to know like the back of her hand.    
  


Rey had been wandering around for several hours, and was on her way back when the skies darkened ominously.   
She was almost back at the Falcon when lightning flashed across the sky and loud thunder made the ground rumble. It only took seconds before the rains started.    
  


As always, the prospect of rain made her giddy.    
As she dashed through the downpour to the ramp, she couldn’t help the joyful laughter that bubbled up.    
Rey spent a few more moments outside just enjoying the sound of the rain and the smell of the damp earth and wet summer grass. She stayed there watching the clouds chase each other across the sky until she started shivering.    
  


She needed to get out of her wet clothes.    
As soon as she walked up the ramp and entered the Falcon, Rey knew something was wrong.    
  


“Ben?”    
  


She went in search of him and he was still lying on the bed, his eyes closed.    
But there was definitely something wrong.    
  


He was trembling and shivering, his teeth chattering. Beads of perspiration on his forehead, his hair slick with sweat, sticking to his head. His skin looked ashen, the smudges beneath his eyes even darker than before, his lips dried and chapped.    
Rey wasn’t a medic, but she didn’t need to be to understand he was very sick.    
  


“Ben?”    
  


When he didn’t respond, she let out a deep sigh and felt something inside her clench. Worry for him crashed into her.   
She knew that they were connected through the Force for a reason. And right now, the Force wanted her to tend to him, to care for him and nurse him back to health.

  
  


Rey got up and got everything she expected to need.    
A bowl of water, a cloth, a towel, a blanket, some bacta and some other meds to stop the fever. She also went in search of clothes, as his thick padded tunic and leather pants were not the most comfortable things to be in when one had a temperature. Rey didn’t find much, just some old clothes that had belonged to Han at one point, but they wouldn’t fit Ben at all.

Rey took off his heavy boots and socks first, with no sign of him waking. She then started with his tunic. Thank the Maker she had the help of the Force, because she didn’t know if she had the strength to handle a man of his sheer size otherwise, despite her physical strength.    
  


She managed to remove his tunic and his undershirts. The amount of layers that he wore was ridiculous. Next were his highwaisted pants.    
  


Rey tried really hard not to get distracted by his naked torso or his thick, muscular legs.    
She could at least admit that she had always been attracted to him on a physical level. There had even been a time when she had thought…    
  


_ No!  _ _   
  
_

She clamped down on those thoughts. She would not go down that route again. Rey had mourned the loss of Ben Solo long enough.    
  


But now, here he lay before her, almost naked and vulnerable in his weakened state.    
Fresh scars marred his chest and arms, making her wonder where and how he’d gotten them.

She dampened the cloth and started pressing it to his heated skin. Rey cleaned off as much of the perspiration as she could, trying to cool him off in the process. When she was done, she pulled the blanket over him, tucking him in meticulously. She sat down on the edge of the bed and dampened the cloth again, wrung it out and gently dabbed at his brow again.    
Much to her astonishment, Ben’s eyes fluttered open.    
  


“Rey?” he croaked. “Is that you?”   
  


“Ssssh,” she whispered, “it’s me. You’re sick, go back to sleep.”    
  


His eyes drifted shut again.    
  


“Don’t leave me, Rey,” he murmured as a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. “Please don’t leave me again.”   
  


There was such heartache in his voice, that Rey had to fight back tears of her own.    
  


“Go back to sleep, Ben,” she said as she brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”    
  


The hint of a smile played with his lips at those words.    
He whispered something before he drifted back to sleep, but Rey had heard it clearly.    
  


“I missed you.”   
  


She couldn’t hold back the tears she’d been fighting anymore.    
Because if she were honest with herself, she’d missed him too. The person lying on that bunk beside her wasn’t her mortal enemy. He wasn’t Kylo Ren now. He was the one person she had once thought would be her future. The one whose loss she still mourned. 

_ Ben Solo.  _ _   
  
_

She walked away with the bowl and cloth and quickly rinsed them before getting herself a cup of caf.    
This was going to be a pain in her behind.    
  



	6. Chapter 6

  
  


**Chapter 6**

  
  


It took four more days for Ben’s fever to break. 

  
Rey had grown increasingly worried as he started having fever convulsions. She ended up using the Force to keep him steady, to calm him to keep from hurting himself.    
  


She spooned him broth to keep his strength up and did what she could to break his fever, but she became fairly desperate at one point. None of the meds seemed to be working, Rey had no idea what had caused this. She’d gone through all her books to find something — anything! — that could have caused this, but nothing came up. 

The feelings she’d once had for this man came back, front and center.    
She realized that her worry for him was more than just simple compassion for another human being. Rey realized that he was more important to her than anyone had ever been. No one knew her like he did, no one understood her the way he understood her.    
She cared for him deeply, in a way she hadn’t cared for anyone.    
Deep inside she knew what this was, but Rey refused to even think that way.    
She’d trusted him once, and he had broken her heart. She’d never be that careless again.   
  


Still, Rey couldn’t deny it to herself. And so, she cared for him and fretted over him, and kept vigilance at his side.   
She had fallen asleep on her chair, cushioning her head on her forearms as she held his hand when Ben finally woke up.    
  


He had no idea what was going on or where he was or why he was practically naked under the blanket.    
When he opened his eyes, the muted lighting of the ship hurt his head so bad he hissed and brought a hand to his head.    
  


He tried again, a little slower this time and allowed his eyes to slowly adjust. He still had a pounding headache, but at least it wasn’t as if a knife was carving through his brain.    
When he was able to take in his surroundings, he recognized the Falcon.    
Slowly, things started coming back to him.    
  


_ Rey!  _ _   
  
_

He looked around frantically, only to find her by his side, holding on to his hand as she slept.    
Ben was moved by the sight of her.    
  


Even while sleeping, she looked tired, as if she had been going without for too long.    
But even so, she looked so beautiful.    
The way her lashes fluttered against her cheeks, the freckles on her nose, her hair framing her gorgeous face in waves. 

_ His precious girl.  _   
  


Ben couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips. He reached out and touched her hair tentatively.    
  


Rey’s eyes immediately flew open at the touch.    
Alarm widened her eyes and her gaze searched around frantically before they landed on him.    
  


“Ben?” she asked softly, her voice low and husky with sleep.    
  


“Rey,” he said, his tone filled with awe.    
  


She sat up abruptly and reached out, her hand touching his forehead.    
His skin was cool to the touch, the fever was gone.    
She smiled with relief.    
  


“How are you feeling?” Rey asked him softly, her hand moving towards his cheek, checking his temperature there.    
  


“I’ve been better,” he said hoarsely. His throat felt as if he had swallowed gravel.    
  


“Here.” Rey picked up a small cup filled with cool water and lifted it to his lips.    
  


Ben drank gently, never taking his eyes off her.    
  


“Thank you,” he whispered and Rey just nodded in response.    
  


“What happened?” he asked after some time had passed.    
  


Rey steeled herself. She couldn’t risk him knowing her true feelings. She wasn’t ready to face them herself, let alone let him know their extent. He’d just find another way to manipulate her and take advantage of them. 

“I don’t know,” she said as she got up and put some things away. “I got back from my walk, thinking you’d be done sleeping, but instead I found you shivering. You had a bad fever and were barely responsive. That was four days ago.”   
  


Ben had watched her closely. She wasn’t telling him something. He tentatively reached out with the Bond, curious about her behavior. He found it was just about wide open, and he could feel everything she was feeling. 

  
She had been worried sick. _She cared._   
  


When she realized what he was doing she spoke up.    
  


“Don’t do that,” she quipped.    
  


“Why not?”    
  


She turned towards him.    
  


“Because you have no right to.”    
  


Hurt flashed in his eyes, and it conveyed across their Bond, as well as acceptance. Her words wounded him but he understood.    
  


“I’m sorry,” Ben said softly. “It won’t happen again. Not consciously, anyway.”    
  


He let out a deep groan as he tried to move into a different position.    
  


“Wait.”    
  


Rey walked up to him and helped him shift into a more comfortable position, with the help of the Force again.    
  


“There. Better?”   
  


“Yes, much, thank you,” he murmured.    
  


“You should get some more sleep. Your body’s been through a lot. I’ll make you some soup when you wake up again.”   
  


She brushed the hair away from his eyes and was surprised at the tingle that shot through her fingers at the contact.    
But Ben’s eyes had already drifted shut again, leaving her to ponder this mystery alone . 

Several hours later, Ben awoke alone.    
  


Rey was nowhere to be found. He suspected she had stepped outside for whatever reason.    
  


He felt much better now. More like his usual self.    
  


So he sat up slowly, testing sore muscles. As Ben swung his legs over the side of the bed, he realized just how close to being naked he was. He was only wearing his underwear. The thought of Rey undressing him triggered things he hadn’t felt in the longest time.    
  


He smiled at the feeling that her taking care of him brought with it.    
She cared.    
Maybe it wasn’t too late after all.  _ Maybe…  _ _   
  
_

Ben got up slowly, and went in search of his pants. He found them on the next bunk, neatly folded, along with his other clothes. He put the pants on, as well as his shirt and then padded towards the galley kitchen. The smell of fresh caf hung in the air. He got himself a cup and poured. As the taste hit his pallet, Ben moaned in appreciation. But as the caf hit his belly, he was reminded of another basic need for a human.    
  


He put the cup down and went outside to relieve himself.    
  


It was that moment Rey returned to the Falcon.    
When she discovered Ben was gone, she went into a frenzy.    
  


“Ben?” she searched around the Falcon’s interior, but failed to find him.    
  


She was about to storm outside to look for him when he casually sauntered up the ramp.    
  


“Where have you been?” she shouted, making his head hurt again.    
  


“I was just outside.”    
  


“You shouldn’t be outside! You’ve had a high fever for over four days!”    
  


“So you told me,” he said quietly as he walked back to where he had left his cup of caf.    
  


“Are you drinking caf?” she asked, her voice incredulous.    
  


“Yes, I am,” Ben said as he took another sip. “And it’s excellent, by the way.”   
  


“You shouldn’t be drinking caf, it’s not good for you. You should be sticking to water, juice and broth.”   
  


“Careful Rey,” he said with humor lacing his voice, “or I might get the impression you care about me.”   
  


Rey felt a tiny shiver run down her spine at the tone of his voice. She steeled herself.    
Offense was the best defense, right?    
  


“I do care. I care about you leaving as soon as you can.”   
  


Again, hurt flashed in his dark eyes, transforming his features briefly before he meticulously schooled them again. Ben just nodded once but still drank the rest of his caf.    
  


“I feel much better. I’ll get dressed and leave so you won’t have to stand my company any longer. Thank you for taking care of me.”    
  


He walked past her to retrieve his clothes, but Rey protested.    
  


“Oh, do stop. You’re in no condition to fly back yet.”    
  


Ben turned around and his eyes seemed to burn with anger.    
  


“For Kriff’s sake, woman, would you please make up your mind?” he shouted, which caused him to flinch as sharp pain shot through his brain. He brought his hand up to his head, pressing against it to take some measure of the pain away. When the moment passed, Ben continued in a more restrained voice, but there was still plenty of heat in his words. 

  
“Either you want me to leave, or you want me to stay. But don’t mix those two up. This is hard enough as it is.”    
  


His anger spurred on her own.    
  


“And exactly how is that hard to understand? I want you gone, but I can’t very well send you off when I know you’re in no condition to fly for three days and nights.”   
  


“Since when do you care whether I live or die? You’ve tried to kill me more times than I can count and left me for dead as many times.”    
  


The vehemence in his voice and the truth of his words cut through her very soul.    
Rey didn’t know how to respond to that. So, she just jutted her chin and stared him down.    
  


Her reaction wasn’t what he had expected.    
Ben both hated and loved the tiny sliver of hope that wrapped itself around his heart.    
He walked up to her slowly, until there was less than three feet between them.    
  


“You know what I think?” Ben asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I think you do care. You’re just afraid.”    
  


Rey’s eyes flew up and connected with his. “I’m not afraid.”   
  


“I think you are. You’re afraid to admit that you do care about me.”    
  


“In your dreams, Kylo Ren,” Rey said, defiance dripping from every syllable.    
  


Ben then surprised her.    
He chuckled.    
The sound was so foreign to her that it made her eyes grow wide and her mouth open with utter astonishment.    
  


He took a tiny step closer, and Rey could feel the heat emanating from his body. The sound of his chuckle seemed to reverberate in her very womb, creating strange but very enjoyable tingles throughout her entire body.    
  


“Oh, trust me, Rey, in my dreams you admit to far more than that…” His voice trailed off.    
  


His gaze was intense, the heat that burned in those dark depths was enough to send a shiver down her spine. When his gaze lowered to focus on her lips, Rey felt a strange sense of anticipation creep over her. Her breathing quickened, her heart rate accelerated and she frowned at her reaction to this man.    
  


Their Bond was humming softly, thrumming through their veins, curling around them like a soft mist, blurring the edges of their reality. 

Ben frowned at her, surprise in his gaze.    
  


“You feel it too.” 

His voice was filled with wonder, as if he was awestruck.    
Her eyes met his and Rey was unable to fight the sensations that were bubbling up inside her.    
  


“It doesn’t matter what I feel.” Her voice was slightly breathless, ruining the effect she was trying to give to her words.    
  


“Except that it does.” Ben’s words were filled with conviction. He reached out and cupped her face, brushing his thumb across her cheek with infinite tenderness.    
Rey leaned into it without even realizing she did.    
  


“I hoped you would,” he whispered, his eyes a little brighter. “Rey…”    
  


His voice trailed off and there was such desperation in his voice, in his eyes. Such longing.    
It nearly took Rey’s breath away.    
  


“Say it,” he whispered, his eyes searching hers frantically.    
  


“I…” Her gaze met his and he saw her fear.    
  


“Say it,” he repeated again, his voice just a fraction louder.    
  


Rey’s resistance cracked. A tear slipped down her cheek.    
  


“I do care,” she whispered barely audible as she closed her eyes. Another tear followed. “But I don’t want to.”    
  


Rey felt his hand tremble ever so slightly against her cheek.

“I know,” Ben whispered back, his mind briefly flitting back to his father’s use of the phrase. 

A smile curved his lips, thinking how fitting that was right now.    
  


He leaned forward and hesitantly pressed his lips to her cheekbone.    
The contact of his lips on her skin sent a jolt through her body.    
Her mouth opened on a tiny gasp and her eyes flew open. Ben leaned back and stared into her eyes, searching for permission or so it seemed.    
  


Rey looked at him expectantly and watched as his lips pursed and his chin trembled before he leaned back into her, his mouth hovering over her own for a second.    
  


When their lips met, it felt as if lightning struck. Their Bond blew wide open, and they both felt everything.    
  


Rey let out a tiny whimper at the same time Ben let out a low moan. Her hands reached up to tangle in his hair, her fingers finally — finally! — threading through the silken locks.    
When his tongue licked at the seam of her lips, she opened her mouth without hesitation, and this time, Rey was the one who let out a low moan. He tasted of caf and hope.    
  


Ben cupped her face with both of his hands as he deepened the kiss even further and Rey could only hang on for dear life. He kissed her like he was starving and she was a banquet. Like he was dying of thirst and she was the only thing that could quench him. As if he would die if he couldn’t kiss her. It made her dizzy with longing, a hunger she had never felt before lodging in the pit of her stomach.    
  


“Ben,” she whispered feverishly when they came up for air and she felt his happiness flow through their Bond.    
  


“Rey.” He groaned out the word in a voice that sounded breathless and hoarse with desire.    
  


When he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck, she let her head fall back with a high pitched moan. Her hands roamed his shoulders as he continued to kiss her neck, fevered little sounds escaping her. The feel of his lips and tongue and teeth on her neck made her shiver with lust, tiny tingles exploding beneath her skin, heating her blood like liquid fire.    
  


He lifted her in his arms without warning, a surprised squeal leaving her lips, followed by her protest.    
  


“Ben, put me down! You were sick for days, you shouldn’t exert yourself like this.”    
  


His low chuckle reverberated through her own chest as he held her close.    
He put her down on the bunk gently and joined her on it, covering her body with his.    
  


“Don’t worry about me, Scavenger. I have never felt better,” he murmured against her collarbone.    
  


Rey lay beneath him, trembling as he slowly undressed her, kissing every expanse of exposed skin as he went.    
  


“I have dreamt of this moment for so long,” Ben whispered softly as he rained kisses across her face and neck, “but I never believed it would ever happen.” He raised himself on his forearms and stared down into her beautiful face. “Now, here I am with you underneath me, and it still feels like a dream.” His thumb caressed her cheek and he looked down on her lovingly. He pursed his lips and Rey could see his insecurity nagging at him.    
“Are you sure about this?”    
  


Rey couldn’t speak for the life of her. The way he was looking at her, the reverent way he touched her, the way his tenderness swirled in the Bond that was stronger than ever…    
She just nodded and pulled his head down to kiss his lips with all the conviction she felt.    
  


As he made love to her, Rey couldn’t help but feel the righteousness of the moment. Of how everything seemed to have been leading them to this. Her attraction to him had always been there, deep down inside she had always been intrigued by him far too much for it to just be curiosity. Rey had always felt as if this connection with him could only mean that they were meant for more. All of the things he had ever made her feel came rushing through her, but she was quick to discover that the feelings that lingered most were those of concern for him, regret and a deep and unabiding affection she could not fight. 

Ben made love to her as if she were the most precious thing he’d ever encountered. What started out sweet and fairly innocent, soon grew fevered and wild. They clung to each other with the same passion as they fought, all consuming and mind-blowing. And as they wound down from the pinnacle of their coupling, they clung even closer. Rey found herself pressing against his side, with his arms wrapped around her shoulders, their legs entwined. Ben was absently toying with her hair while he kissed her crown.    
Rey listened quietly to the sound of his heartbeat. It was so steady and comforting that she found herself slowly drifting off to sleep.    
  


“This doesn’t change anything,” she murmured softly as slumber engulfed her.    
  


Ben let out a deep sigh.    
  


“On the contrary, Sweetheart,” he whispered against her temple, “this changes everything.”    
  


Then sleep found him too. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

  
  


**Chapter 7**

  
  


Rey woke up first.    
She found herself naked in Ben Solo’s arms and suddenly realized it hadn’t been a dream. They had actually crossed that line and had made love.    
  


And now she didn’t know what to do.    
  


Rey let out a deep sigh, wondering how she could have been so stupid!    
She must have lost her senses or gone mad temporarily. It was the only explanation she could find, because she didn’t even like him.    
  


_ Sure… Whatever you say. _   
  


She frowned at herself, growing angrier with every passing minute.    
Rey had slept with her mortal enemy. Shared his bed with wild abandon, ignoring her better judgement.    
  


Ben chose that moment to wake up, stretching languidly. When he felt Rey stiffen next to him, he just smiled, unaware of her turmoil.    
  


“Goodmorning, Sweetheart.” Ben kissed her temple and pulled her a little closer into her embrace. “Did you sleep well?”

  
Rey was still stiff as a board.    
  


“Yes I did, thank you. Now, excuse me.”    
  


Rey quickly disentangled herself from his arms and lept from the bed. She grabbed a sheet and her clothes and all but ran towards the ‘fresher, not even bothering to glance back at him. 

When she got out of the ‘fresher, Ben was sitting at the edge of the bunk. He’d put on his pants and his undershirt, thank the Maker!   
He still looked incredible, and Rey hated the fact that she noticed. 

  
She ignored him and went about her business to make a pot of caf as she was used to doing every morning. She would stick to her normal routine, even if it killed her. 

  
Ben watched her with curiosity.    
Their Bond was still wide open, but Rey was trying really hard to keep her end of it as obscured as she could. 

  
After a lengthy silence, Ben spoke up. 

“Are we just going to pretend that this didn’t happen?” 

  
His voice was soft and low, but there was a sense of anger threading through.    
  


“I had sort of hoped to do just that, yes.”    
  


She felt him stiffen, even with her back to him.    
  


“You’re being serious, aren’t you?”    
  


The rage in his voice was clear. He was almost trembling with it.    
  


Rey felt insecurity lick at her conscience, but ignored it.    
  


“Of course I am.”    
  


Ben got off the bunk and sauntered to her slowly.    
  


“So you are going to pretend that we didn’t make love?” he asked, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around to face him.    
Rey looked up into his eyes and saw his turmoil reflected there.    
  


“There is a difference between making love and having sex, Ben,” she said with a confidence she didn’t feel.    
  


The shock in his face surprised her. The anguish that followed it shocked her to her core. The anger that followed suddenly didn’t seem so out of place.

“Are you claiming that last night was just sex to you?”   
  


His eyes flashed and he trembled with outrage. Rey could sense the incredible effort he was making to keep himself in check, to not give in to his wild urge to destroy something.    
  


“Are you claiming it wasn’t?” She countered levelly.    
  


Ben actually took a step back as if she’d slapped him. 

He shook his head, his features a semblance of disgust.    
  


“And you have the audacity to call me a liar,” he spat out as if the words left a foul taste in his mouth. “You admitted that you care about me.” He took a step closer and lowered his face to hers. “And you seem to forget that we share a Force Bond. Everything you feel, I feel.” He stared into her eyes with his typical intensity. “Everything, Rey,” he whispered. “And I know that last night was about way more than just sex. You’re the liar if you claim otherwise.”   
  


Rey swallowed past the sizable lump in her throat.    
She was so angry with herself for giving in to him, to these feelings that had been churning away inside her.

She did care about him. And she had allowed her worry and her affection for Ben Solo to forget that he was gone. That Kylo Ren was all that remained.    
But he was right. Rey had to be fair about that much.    
  


“You’re right. But it wasn’t about you,” she said vehemently.    
  


Shock registered in his face. She felt his fury and his jealousy wash over her in tidal waves, threatening to crush her.    
  


“No? Then who?” he ground out through gritted teeth as he took hold of her upper arms and pushed her up against the wall.    
“Who is he?” Ben asked, his anger almost suffocating. “Is it the Traitor?” He whispered. “The Pilot?” He cocked his head and his gaze bore into her. “Who?”    
  


Rey just lifted her chin and stared right back with a stubborn glare.    
  


“Someone you could never live up to.”    
  


He let go of her and took several stumbling steps back, as if she had taken her lightsaber and run him through.    
His reaction was so odd, Rey was at a loss for words.    
Ben seemed devastated.    
He looked at her and felt his heart clench and crumble to dust.    
  


_ She loved another.  _ _   
_ _ She didn’t want him.  _ _   
_ _ But last night…  _ _   
  
_

It had been his name she’d been chanting as he’d brought her to completion, it had been him she’d reached for time and time again.    
_ How could that not have been real?  _ _   
  
_

He shoved a hand through his hair and choked back a sob.    
Ben looked up at her and Rey felt his heartache as if it were her own. Again, her conscience objected, but she tamped it down.    
  


“I shouldn’t have come,” he whispered.    
  


Ben searched her face, desperation gleaming in his eyes, even as his hopelessness filled their Bond to the brim. Something else slivered through. His desire for her to be happy.    
It made Rey frown at yet another odd twist.

  
Ben hung his head, his hands on his hips as he tried to bite back his tears.    
He took a deep breath, straightened and turned to get his things. His clothing and his saber bunched in his arms, he walked up to her. 

  
Rey was unable to speak as he looked into her eyes. He cupped her cheek with one hand and stared into her eyes earnestly. His sadness hung around him like a cloak, threatening to suffocate her. His words only made it worse. 

  
“I won’t bother you again. I just…” his voice broke off and his eyes grew a little too bright. “I just hope you’ll be happy.” He kissed her stern tenderly and stalked off.

  
Rey stood there, rooted to the spot in the center of the Falcon. Completely flabbergasted by the events that had just taken place. She’d tried to get a rise out of him, tried to pick another fight because anger and resentment were easier to deal with, and it had worked. But the result had been surprising to say the least. 

When it dawned on her that he was actually leaving, she felt a strange panic take hold of her.    
She ran through the Falcon and down the ramp, only to watch Ben’s Silencer take off.    
Rey wanted to shout at him, but the words got stuck in her throat.    
She could only watch with a sinking feeling in her gut as his ship flew away and jumped to lightspeed, back to the First Order. 

She had the oddest feeling that she had lost Ben twice now. Like she had been given a second chance and she’d blown it. Again. 

  
Rey went back inside, pouring herself a cup of caf. She sat down at the table, staring ahead without seeing. 

  
What in the galaxy was she doing here anyway?    
She had wanted to keep her friends safe, but it was a ruse. She realized that now.    
Something inside her had craved the distance. The opportunity to clear her head.    
It had only led to more confusion, more questions. 

Rey stood abruptly and walked over to the cockpit. She reactivated the communication system, and was overwhelmed with the amount of messages she had received over the past week and a half.    
All of them of a frantic Finn, a worried Rose, an irritated Poe and a very serious Leia.    
All of them pleading her to contact them. 

  
With a deep sigh, she decided to do just that. Rey called Leia using the holo, something that made her feel very much uncomfortable, knowing she had slept with the General’s son. Surely Leia would notice somehow.

  
“Rey? Is that you? Thank the Maker, girl, we were so worried about you!” Leia exclaimed as soon as the communication was solidified. “Are you alright?” 

  
“Yes, Master, I am fine. I just had something that I needed to do.” 

  
Leia’s eyes narrowed at Rey, studying her briefly. 

  
“Are you coming to us or do we need to come to you?”    
  


Doubt niggled at Rey.    
This planet was infinitely more suited for settling down than the hot, humid planet the Resistance had chosen last time. But then again, Kylo Ren knew where they were.    
  


“I don’t know, Master,” Rey said quietly. “This is a wonderful place, to be honest. I think that we would do better here.”    
  


“I sense a ‘but’ coming on,” Leia deadpanned.    
  


Rey worried her lip and wouldn’t meet Leia’s eyes.    
  


“The First Order knows I’m here. It might compromise our cause.”   
  


Leia narrowed her eyes and was quiet for a while. She ended up smiling secretly.    
  


“Send us the coordinates. We’ll calculate how long it’ll take and we’ll join you there. You shouldn’t be alone anymore, Rey.”    
  


A lump formed in Rey’s throat and she could only nod her agreement. They ended the call and Rey was left on her own again.    
  


She took her caf and sat outside on the ramp.    
Rey had never felt more alone than right now. Not even that night in the cave felt as lonely as this very moment. The memory haunted her still.    
  


“ _ You’re not alone.” _ _   
_ _ “Neither are you.” _   
  


Tears fell from her eyes as she sobbed, once again realizing she had lost her chance at a happy future with someone she cared deeply about. 


	8. Chapter 8

  
  


**Chapter 8**

  
  


Ben returned to the New Supremacy, and ignored everything and everyone around him as he got down from his ship. Angrily he stalked to his quarters and destroyed everything in sight. He lashed out as pain over losing Rey pulsed through every cell in his body.    
Anger, resentment and grief so deep it nearly killed him kept flowing through him in tidal waves, and he was unable to fight it. 

  
He had been so sure… 

  
He had felt her worry, her concern, and even her affection, as clear as he felt his own.    
It had been his name on her lips as he had made love to her, time and time again. And yet she claimed it was another that moved her.

  
Ben crumpled unto the floor as his anger gave out. He sobbed and sobbed for almost an hour until he realized the weakness of it all. 

  
This would not help him at all. He wiped at the tears that ran down his cheeks and took a deep breath. The crying had been cathartic, at least. He did feel somewhat better now that he had given into his pain.    
  


Ben sat on the floor of his quarters and pondered his next step.    
He wanted Rey, had seen his future with her at his side, but she had made it quite clear that she didn’t want him. Not permanently anyway.    
  


But being with her these past few days had made something very clear.    
He didn’t want to continue down his destructive path.    
Aside from experiencing a temporary power trip, making others suffer didn’t make him feel better. Chasing down the Resistance no longer held much appeal.    
  


He still felt hatred towards whoever it was that had stolen his Bond mate’s heart, and still felt an overwhelming urge to track him down and destroy him in a very slow and painful manner, but other than his rage being directed at this one person, he felt pretty empty.    
  


He got up and walked up to the windows, staring out into space.    
  


He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, the most powerful faction in the entire Galaxy. All this time, he had used his power to bend everything and everyone to his will, in pursuit of ultimate power and control.

But perhaps there was a better purpose. Perhaps, he could use his own power and control to instigate a new order, one where peace could reign based on respect instead of fear.    
Rey’s view on things might have rubbed off on him, and he no longer felt the urge to fight his Light Side.    
Perhaps, if he embraced it, like she embraced her Dark Side, he might win her back.

_ Perhaps, this is the way… _

  
  


Ben walked away from the windows and pressed the comm-link near his door.    
  


“Yes, Supreme Leader?” a voice sounded immediately.    
  


“Notify my entire leadership and have them meet me in the conference room in ten minutes.”   
  


“As you wish, Supreme Leader.”    
  


Ben sighed as he looked around his chambers.    
It was time to change a few things. 

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


The Resistance had relocated themselves.    
Leaving their newly chosen base on Ajan Kloss for the coordinates Rey had given them, the rebels soon joined her there.    
  


No one regretted the decision and they happily and easily made their new headquarters there. They chose a different part of the planet, several miles north of where Rey had chosen to land the Falcon, and agreed that Rey should be able to stay where she had obviously made her home.    
  


The members of the Resistance had clearly been briefed not to interrogate Rey, because no one, not even Finn, asked her about her decision to come out here.    
Not a word was said and Rey couldn’t help but be deeply grateful for it. She wouldn’t be able to explain what had happened anyway.    
  


Several weeks after the initial relocation, Leia came out to see her.    
Rey greeted her warmly and made her some caf. They sat outside in the warm sunshine and enjoyed a silent moment together, and for a short while, Rey believed it was just a social call.    
That idea flew right out the window the moment Leia started talking.    
  


“So…” she said on a sigh, “are you ever going to talk to me about what happened here?”    
  


Rey ducked her head and studied her mug.    
  


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”    
  


“Oh, give me a break, Rey,” Leia said sternly. It made Rey look up at her with wide eyes.    
“I know you left for a reason and I know something happened here to change your mind. I’d rather you tell me freely rather than that I have to drag it out of you. So out with it.” 

Rey felt thoroughly chastised. 

“I had to leave, Leia. I was endangering everyone at the base,” she said softly as she stared at her feet.    
  


“How?”    
  


Deep color tainted rey’s cheeks as she was forced to finally confess.    
  


“I…” she started but found herself in need of a deep, fortifying breath, “am linked through the Force to....” Rey closed her eyes and swallowed hard before finishing her sentence, “Kylo Ren.”   
  


Leia stared at her blankly.    
  


“Come again?”   
  


Rey looked up from beneath her lashes and stared into Leia’s surprised face.    
  


“I am linked to Kylo Ren through the Force.”   
  


“Linked through the Force?”    
  


“Yes.” Rey bit her lip. “That’s how he kept finding us.”   
  


“He was trying to get to you,” Leia said matter-of-factly.   
  


“Yes.” Rey nodded.    
  


Leia’s eyebrows lifted as she drew in a deep breath.    
  


“Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Although I must say it doesn’t surprise me as much as I think it should.”    
  


Rey’s eyes flew up at Leia’s response.    
  


“What do you mean?”    
  


“Well, he  _ is _ my son, Rey,” Leia said quietly. “I sensed him every now and then, but I had no idea why. But I do now. He’s nothing if not persistent. When he wants something, he’ll do whatever he can to get it.”    
  


Rey’s mouth formed a perfect O. She couldn’t speak for the life of her. She wound up just nodding again.    
When Leia realized Rey wasn’t going to say much more, she decided to prod some more.    
  


“So you decided to run away, so he wouldn’t find us?”    
  


“Yes.”    
  


“And he came after you?”    
  


“Yes.”    
  


Rey’s face kept growing redder, and she wouldn’t look at Leia anymore.    
Understanding dawned, and Leia’s eyes softened.    
  


“How is my Ben?”   
  


That caught Rey’s attention. Her head snapped up and she met Leia’s gaze. Rey’s eyes were a little too bright.    
  


“I think Ben is gone,” she said softly.    
  


Leia smiled benevolently.   
  


“I don’t believe that,” she said as she reached out and took Rey’s hand in hers. “And neither do you. I can see it in your eyes.”    
  


Rey looked at her with misery plastered all over her features.    
  


“It’s true. Ben is gone. Kylo Ren is all that remains.”    
  


Leia shook her head in denial.    
  


“What happened?”    
  


Rey’s mind wandered back to their encounter, to his illness, to her worry. To the events after he woke up. Her throat closed up and tears threatened to overpower her. She cast her eyes down.    
  


“I don’t want to talk about it.”   
  


Leia sighed.    
  


“Does he know?”   
  


“Does he know about what?” Rey asked, her confusion clear.   
  


“Does he know about the baby?” Leia’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the words sounded as if she had screamed them.    
  


Rey’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprise and sheer shock.    
  


“Baby?”    
  


Leia laughed.    
  


“Honestly, Rey... “ her voice trailed off, “don’t tell me you didn’t know?” Leia patted her hand as she continued. “Even I can sense the new life growing inside you. Not to mention that you are absolutely glowing.”

Rey’s mouth opened and she shook her head from side to side.    
  


“No, you’re wrong, I’m not…”    
  


But even as she tried to deny it, she knew.    
She had felt the spark when she had made love with Ben. Had attributed it to being with him in that way. To it being special, and it was!    
Rey had felt different since then, but had been acting as if everything was just fine not to alarm anyone.    
  


She jumped up and stood looking at the horizon in absolute shock. How could she have not known?    
  


Leia stood and took Rey’s hands again.    
  


“Don’t be afraid, Rey. You’re not alone in this.” She cupped Rey’s face gently and pulled her into an embrace.    
  


Rey cried, all the pent-up emotions of the past few weeks crashing through her at once. Her grief, her happiness, her shock, her love, it all came out in long, cathartic sobs.   
Leia held her until her sobs had grown into soft sniffles, a few hiccups weaving through every now and then.    
  


“I know this is much to process, Rey, but I must know…” Leia leaned back a little so she could look into Rey’s face, “Are you going to tell him?”    
  


Rey frowned, unsure of what to do.    
  


“I don’t know,” she whispered.    
  


Leia nodded, her eyes sad and serious.    
  


“Take your time. But keep me posted.”    
  


Rey nodded, wiping her cheeks on her sleeve.    
  


“As for me, I need to get back to the base. If you need anything, let me know. I’m only an hour away.”   
  


“I will.”    
  


Leia cupped Rey’s cheek and looked down on her lovingly.    
  


“I always wanted a daughter, and grandchildren. And now I have both.” She kissed Rey’s stern and turned to leave.    
  


Rey hugged herself as she watched Leia get on the speeder. She soon disappeared from view, leaving Rey alone with her thoughts.    
  


To calm herself, she went about her normal routine. She went for a walk around the lake, gathered a few of the fruits from the orchard, then went back to the Falcon, had supper and then meditated.    
  


This time, she could clearly feel the lifeforce of the child inside her. Tears ran down her cheek as she came to terms with the fact that she was going to have a child.    
  


_ Ben’s child.  _   
  


She would have to tell him eventually.    
Just not right now. Not yet. She needed to come to terms with it herself.    
  


After meditating for an hour, she went inside and took out her datapad. Rey researched pregnancy and its various stages. She was almost at the end of her first trimester, if her math was correct. It had been ten weeks since Ben had left.    
She continued to read until fatigue overtook her.    
  


Rey’s hand rested on her belly.    
She hadn’t come to terms with being pregnant yet, not quite. But already she felt a fierce protectiveness towards this tiny life growing inside of her.    
As she slipped off into slumber, she dreamt of a little girl with dark wavy hair and dark soulful eyes.    



	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

  
  


Several more weeks went by. The news of Rey’s pregnancy came as a shock to many, but no one had been judgmental about it. Finn and Poe had tried to discover who the father was, both anxious to get their hands on him for walking out on Rey.    
  


Rose was a great support in all this, as was Kaydel. Rey spent more and more time on the base.    
As her pregnancy progressed and her belly started growing rounder, she felt her conscience acting up more and more.    
  


She should tell him…    
  


Rey was cleaning an engine part that she needed to repair the Falcon with when her mind wandered once again.    
  


She should definitely tell him. Somehow. Soon.    
  


So lost in thoughts was she, that she hadn’t heard Poe walk up to her.    
  


“Hey Rey.”    
  


Rey started and clapped her hand on her chest in surprise. She let out a breathless laugh.    
  


“Oh, Poe, you startled me!” she said with a wide smile.    
  


“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”    
  


“That’s okay. Can I help you with something?”    
  


“Actually, yeah, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Do you have a minute?”   
  


Rey gave him another wide smile.    
  


“Sure. Sit down.”   
  


Poe did as she suggested, but then seemed to get really nervous.    
  


“Are you alright, Poe?” She asked with a frown.    
  


“Yeah, I’m fine. Listen,” he started, shoving a hand through his dark curls, “I know you don’t want to tell us who the father is,” Rey was about to interrupt him, but he held up his hands and continued talking, “and I totally respect that. I just need to say this okay?”    
  


Rey huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, somehow emphasizing her protruding belly.    
  


“I know you probably don’t want the father in the picture, but I need you to know I think it’s wrong to raise a kid without a dad.”    
  


Rey frowned at him as he continued to rattle on.    
  


“And I really believe a child needs a father figure in their life, Rey. You’ll be an excellent mother, none of us have ever doubted that, but raising a kid on your own is hard.”    
  


“Poe, what are you talking about?” Rey said, her impatience with his stammering more than apparent.    
  


“I’m saying that I…” he looked at her with insecurity and hesitation in his eyes, “wouldn’t mind helping you raise this baby.”    
  


Rey’s face fell.    
She stared at him for a full minute, unable to utter a single word.    
  


“Poe, I’m flattered. Really I am…” she started, letting out a deep sigh, “but I can’t accept that offer.”    
  


“Rey, just hear me out. I can…”   
  


They were interrupted by Rose who came running towards them.    
  


“Guys, you need to come.”    
  


She was completely out of breath.    
  


“Rose, what’s going on?” Rey asked, Poe standing up as she neared.    
  


“You need to come. There’s a message coming in from Kylo Ren. He wants all of us to be present.”    
  


Rey and Poe shared a look before they both went with Rose.    
They joined the rest of the Resistance in the large hangar. Rey made sure to stand in the back so her baby bump was invisible from his point of view.    
  


Leia looked at them as they entered, and then addressed the holo.    
  


“We are all present. Please relay your message.”   
  


Rey’s gaze was locked on the blue grainy image of Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

He hadn’t changed much. His hair had grown a little longer, but he was still too thin and looked too tired for her taste. His face was drawn taut. He seemed to glance around the room and when his gaze met hers, she felt it down to her toes. Her mouth opened with a tiny gasp and she felt her heart race in her chest.    
  


He looked away again to address Leia.    
  


“General Organa, I have a message for you and every member of the Resistance.” He started out in that deep voice of his that always managed to slide against her skin like a caress.    
  


“In case you were wondering, we know where you are. We have known for quite some time. The First Order has been tracking your communications and monitoring every message that you have sent and that has been sent your way. We managed to intercept many of them.”    
  


Leia’s face grew taut, her eyes blazing, so much like her son’s.    
  


“That being said, there are matters that we should discuss.”   
  


Rey watched as Leia’s chin rose proudly. Her voice was hard as durasteel when she replied.    
  


“Unless you mean to discuss your surrender, Supreme Leader, there is nothing you could possibly say to me that I would be interested in.”   
  


Rey watched the hologram, saw the tiny things others would not notice. Things only she knew. The tightening of the muscle in his jaw, the ticking beneath his eye, the slight pursing of his lips. Rey suddenly realized she missed him terribly. He hadn’t reached out in the four months that had passed since he had taken off.    
  


“Oh, I beg to differ… Mother.”    
  


Everyone gasped as those words registered.    
Leia’s shock was only visible in her features for a few split seconds. She was about to reply when he continued his speech.    
  


“I’ll be arriving at your location in less than two hours. I expect you, FN-2187, the pilot and the Jedi to be there to greet me. End of transmission.”   
  


And with those words, the holo disappeared.    
  


The entire base buzzed, but none of it registered with Rey. She was looking across the room at Leia, their eyes meeting with the same expression.    
Rey and Poe walked up to her, and Finn came forward from the other side.    
  


“What is this about?” Poe asked.    
  


“Yeah, General, do you have any idea what he wants?” Finn said with a sense of urgency tinting his voice.    
  


Leia looked at Rey with a hooded gaze.    
  


“No, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.”    
  


“You’re not actually thinking of going out there to meet him, are you?” Poe interjected, hot-headed as always. “General, it’s a trap!” he exclaimed. “Surely you realize that.”   
  


Leia turned towards him.    
  


“Commander Dameron, I will go and so will you,” she said sharply. She looked at the trio in front of her. “We all are. So get ready to leave. Go prep the speeder. Rey and I will follow shortly.”    
  


Reluctantly, the men left to do as Leia had instructed.    
  


Leia turned to Rey and grabbed her hand.    
  


“Have you told him yet?” Her voice was barely audible, especially over the hubbub of the hangar, but Rey had heard.    
  


She shook her head.    
  


“I haven’t heard from him since, and I can’t connect with him. He’s blocking our Bond.”   
  


Leia drew in a deep breath and let it out in a deep sigh.    
  


“Then he’s in for quite a surprise, isn’t he?” She smiled at Rey and squeezed her hand.    
“Let’s go. The sooner we find out what he’s up to, the sooner we can react.”    
  


The two of them walked over to the speeder and got in with Poe and Finn.    
Together, they went back to the Falcon, where Rey was sure Kylo Ren would arrive.    
There was just enough time to have a cup of caf before his shuttle could be seen, appearing on the horizon.    
  


Rey felt that same effect again. This time, she welcomed it almost like a long-lost friend.    
The hairs on the back of her neck stood, faint prickles teasing her there. Her stomach trembled and that familiar pull in her chest manifested stronger than ever before. 

  
The four of them exited the Falcon, standing in the meadow as his shuttle touched ground. When his shuttle landed, the child in her womb lurched, almost as if the babe recognized its father. 

Before she had time to come to terms with the fact that she had felt her baby move for the very first time, the ramp was lowered and Kylo Ren walked out in all his splendor.    
  


Rey’s heart clenched at the sight of him.    
She could feel Leia’s joy and suspicion, and she could feel Finn and Poe’s antagonism, as if it were her own.    
  


He met his mother’s eyes first, sweeping over the other two briefly. But when his gaze met hers, it took her breath away. It was every bit as intense as she remembered.    
The contact was brief, his eyes shifted away from hers too soon to her liking, and that in itself was odd to admit.    
  


He focused on Leia instead.    
  


“Hello Mother,” he spoke softly, his tone gentle and deep.    
  


Leia lifted her chin and replied evenly.    
  


“Hello Ben. Lovely to see you again. I trust you are well.”    
  


“Yes, thank you. And you as well, I hope.”    
  


She gave him a polite smile and indicated her head.    
  


“Shall we disperse with the pleasantries and get to the point?”    
  


A tiny smile curved his lips, surprising everyone present.    
  


“Always so to the point. Good to know some things don’t change,” he said with humor in his eyes.   
  


“Indeed some things don’t change. I hope others do,” Leia spoke confidently, her eyebrow raised at her son pointedly.    
  


“There’s no need to be so defensive, Mother,” Ben said in a low voice. “I came alone to prove that I bear no ill will.” He opened his arms in a wide gesture. “I even came unarmed.” 

  
“Yeah, well, we didn’t,” Poe said and he reached for his blaster.    
  


Rey responded instinctively, stepping forward and grabbing hold of his hand, preventing him from actually taking the blaster from his holster.    
  


“Poe, don’t,” she said with clear warning in her voice.    
  


What she hadn’t realized was that it put her in front of the others, clearly showing off her swollen abdomen.    
  


When Ben saw her, he froze.    
Their Bond snapped wide open and his rage and his fury and his pain slammed into her.    
Rey’s eyes met his and they were wide, his jaw dropped and his mouth slack with shock.    
He started breathing harshly, his eyes blazing with fire and rage.    
  


“Why are you here?” Rey asked softly.    
  


His mouth snapped shut, his jaw flexing, the muscles beneath his left eye and next to his nose ticking furiously.    
  


“I was here to inform you that the First Order is no more. It has been disbanded and reformed into the New Order, a faction that is designed to uphold the peace, preferably without violence. I was about to request peace negotiations” He stared them down, his displeasure clear in his rigid posture. “But as luck will have it, I may have found something that could possibly deter me from such an altruistic decision.”    
  


His eyes met Rey’s again and narrowed.    
  


“Peace negotiations?” Leia chirped. “Why, as I live and breathe, that is good news indeed.”   
  


She then took matters into her own hands and linked her arm with Ben’s.    
  


“Come, we have much to discuss then. Rey, are you coming?” Leia looked over to where Finn and Poe were looking on with pure distrust on their faces.    
  


“Commander Dameron, Finn, please make sure that no one enters the Falcon without an invitation?”    
  


They frowned at the clear dismissal, and Poe was about to object when he caught the look in Leia’s eyes.    
He just replied with an angry rumble.    
  


“Yes, General Organa.”    
  


Leia pulled Ben along up the ramp of the Falcon, Rey following close.    
  


“Rey, please provide the Supreme Leader with some caf,” Leia said once Ben had been seated at the table. “I have something else to say to the boys, I’ll be right back.”   
  


She headed down the ramp again, leaving an angry Ben and a befuddled Rey behind.    
  


Rey swallowed and then turned to make the caf when the sound of the ramp being pulled up reached them.    
Ben jumped up, running towards it. The last thing he saw before the ramp closed, was his mother smiling up at him with a little wave.    
  


He roared with outrage and tried to use the Force to lower the ramp again.    
  


“It would be easier to give up.” Rey’s words only incensed him more.    
  


“Do not even talk to me,” he snarled.    
  


Rey had the audacity to chuckle.    
  


“Or what?”    
  


She turned his way and held out a cup of caf, made just the way he liked it.    
Ben looked at it and then looked at her with pure disdain in his eyes.    
  


“I don’t want anything from you.”    
  


“We need to talk. And I need you to sit down.”    
  


“I’m not interested in anything you have to say,” he snapped.    
  


“Well, I don’t care. I have things to say and you’ll listen to them,” Rey snapped right back. “And you’d better do as I say, because I am a powerful Force wielder who just happens to be very high-strung with hormones raging all over the place. Do not provoke me, Ben Solo!” she shouted.    
  


Ben just stared at her, his muscles twitching furiously.    
  


“I don’t care about your  _ raging hormones _ .”    
  


“You should,” she whispered through clenched teeth.    
  


Ben snorted.    
  


“Why did you close off the Bond?” Rey asked softly while putting the cup of caf down on the counter.   
  


“Isn’t it obvious?” he retorted. “Because I didn’t want anything to do with you anymore.”   
  


Rey’s heart clenched painfully in her chest. She touched her belly absently, then crossed her arms across her chest.    
  


“What happened to ‘I’ve never lied to you’?” Rey countered.   
  


“That stopped the moment I discovered you used me.” His words were barely audible but he slowly walked over to stop right in front of her. “When you chose another.”

  
Rey lowered her eyes, unable to look at him.    
How could she tell him? How would she find the right words?    
His anger kept seeping into their Bond, and it almost engulfed her. 

  
_ Perhaps that is the way?  _ _   
  
_

“You asked me why,” Rey smiled sadly. “Do you remember?” She looked up at him.    
“You asked me why I didn’t take your hand when you felt I wanted to.”    
  


Ben stared down at her, his nostrils flaring.    
  


“What of it?”    
  


“You were right,” she whispered and gazed into his eyes. The tears in her own made hers seem impossibly large and luminous. “I did want to take your hand,” she nodded.    
“Ben’s hand.”    
  


He looked down at her, a frown marring his face.    
  


“You had it,” he whispered through clenched teeth. “You had him. All of him. I was always Ben with you!” he shouted.    
  


A tear ran down her cheek as the full force of his grief slammed into her.    
  


“I gave you everything I had. Offered you everything and anything you could have wanted. I would have burned down the galaxy or made it rise from its ashes for you! And you just turned me away, cast aside for someone else.” He stepped even closer, standing so close he almost touched her belly.    
“You seem to be happy enough with your choice.”    
  


He looked down at her stomach with resentment and she felt the insane jealousy filter through their Bond.    
  


“It’s the Pilot’s. Isn’t it? The one you were so eager to protect.”    
  


“Ben…” Rey whispered as she closed her eyes, “it’s not like that.”    
  


Ben snorted again, rolling his eyes at her.    
  


“Let me guess…” he drawled, and his tone reminded her of their shared night, “you’re about to set me right. Am I correct? Tell me how wrong I am. How I’m taking it the wrong way, right?”   
  


Rey opened her eyes.    
  


“Ben, please,” Rey pleaded softly.”I want to show you something. I  _ need _ to show you something.”   
  


He hesitated, only for a moment. But then his face closed up. His stance grew rigid.   
  


“Forget it. We’re done here.” 

He turned to leave, when Rey reached out, grabbed hold of his hand. Rey didn’t hesitate. She placed his hand on her belly and the child inside her leapt at the contact.    
  


Ben’s eyes widened as the Force seemed to connect him and the child. The connection was strong enough to literally bring him to his knees. He fell down, breathing hard. His gaze connected with Rey’s, his eyes filled with tears and surprise.    
  


The question was there, in the look he gave her, clearly failing to understand.    
Rey joined him on her knees.    
  


“Ben, you know the truth,” Rey whispered softly as she stared into his eyes.    
“Say it.”   
  


Ben’s lips trembled and his eyes searched hers.    
Rey smiled at him tenderly.    
  


“Say it.”    
  


“She’s mine,” he said on a broken sob. “But…” He let out a choked sound. “How?”    
  


Rey chuckled softly.    
  


“Well, Ben…” she started with humor lacing her voice, “when two people care for each other…”    
  


Ben gave her a foul look.    
  


“I know how these things work Rey,” he said with annoyance. “I merely meant, how could I not have known?”    
  


Rey sighed and stared at where his hand touched her belly.    
  


“I wanted to tell you so much sooner, but you had closed off our Bond and I didn’t know how to reach you, short of travelling to the First Order and turning myself in.”   
  


“I needed to make a few changes. I couldn’t do that with you so close.”    
  


“I understand,” she said softly. She couldn’t meet his eyes as she said the next sentence. “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” 

Ben nodded and got off his feet.    
  


“Isn’t that the truth.”    
His chin wobbled a little as he looked down on her. “Get up.”   
  


Much to his surprise, Rey did exactly as she was told.    
She got off her knees without another question. Without defiance. Graceful and nimble as ever.    
  


Ben looked at her then, surprised at this strange turn of events.    
Silence hung in the air between them, thick and tense as they studied each other.    
  


“Are you alright?”    
  


Rey’s question broke the silence. The tension however, was something else entirely.    
  


“As well as can be expected I guess.”   
  


“That is fair enough.”    
  


Ben gnashed his teeth when he remembered something she’d said earlier.    
  


“You and the pilot,” he said abruptly. “How long has that been going on?”    
  


Rey’s eyebrows lifted.    
  


“Excuse me?”    
  


“How long have you been with him?”    
  


“I’m not with him.”    
  


“I saw the way he looks at you, Rey. I saw how protective you were of him, I’m not a fool.”    
  


“I never said you were.”    
  


“Do you deny it?”    
  


Rey sensed the way it mattered, how much her answer meant to him.    
  


“No, I do not.” She walked a little closer to him and gazed into his eyes deeply as she replied solemnly.    
  


“He wants you.” Ben said sharply. “He loves you. I sense it.”   
  


“And I care about him. Just as I care for Finn and Rose and Kaydel. As I care for everyone here.”    
She felt his anger swell, and she knew exactly what caused it.    
  
_ I do care. But I don’t want to.  _

  
“But it’s not the same as what I feel for Ben Solo.” 

She got even closer, stopping mere inches from him. 

“What I feel for  _ you _ .” She swallowed past the lump that felt as big as the death star. “Whether you are Ben Solo or Kylo Ren, I know you. I realize that you are both. And I know that you have been struggling for a long time. But so have I. Both of us have been trying to fight who we are. And the only time we’ve ever been ourselves is when we were together.”    
  


She absently stroked her belly, swollen with child. 

  
_ His child.  _   
  


The thought was enough to jar him from his silence.    
  


“Stop.” He swallowed hard and turned away. “Don’t. Just don’t.”    
  


“Ben…”    
  


“I came here to discuss a peace treaty with the Resistance.” He straightened and looked down at her. “I wanted to show you that things could change. That…” He pursed his lips nervously, his eyes not quite meeting hers, “that I could change.” 

He looked right at her then, his eyes hard and unyielding. 

“But then I discover how something that was pivotal for me, is meaningless to you.”   
  


“That is  _ not _ true!” Rey interjected passionately.    
  


“Isn’t it?” He took a menacing step closer. “Not even carrying  _ my  _ child is enough to keep you from seeking out another. You’d simply let him raise her!”   
  


“I did not seek out another. I never wanted another!” Rey cried out. “The other I referred to was Ben Solo!” Tears ran down her cheek as she walked up to him. “I wanted Ben Solo when you were being Kylo Ren. It took me a long time to realize it was the same person. Too long.”   
  


Ben watched her with suspicion.    
  


“Ben, I never even thought of anyone else. And I certainly wouldn’t let anyone else raise our child!”   
  


Silence descended between them after that outburst. The two of them simply stood toe to toe, staring at each other for the longest time.    
Rey was the first to break the silence.    
  


“Where do we go from here?” She all but whispered.    
  


Ben let out a deep sigh and shoved a hand through his hair.    
  


“I don’t know.”   
  


Rey rubbed her forehead and let her hands fall to her sides.    
  


“Sit down. Your caf is getting cold.”   
  


Ben met her eyes briefly and simply nodded. He walked over to the table and sat down.    
Rey sat down across from him.    
  


“Why did you close off the Bond?” she asked him once more.    
  


Ben sighed again.    
  


“I thought that was what you wanted. You said as much when I left.”    
  


“Didn’t you feel me trying to reach you? After you left?”    
  


“Of course I did,” he said as he cradled the mug between his large hands. “I just wasn’t ready to talk to you.”    
  


“Oh.” Rey’s face fell at those words. “I guess that’s fair enough.”   
  


“What would you have said?” 

  
Their eyes met and there was tentative curiosity in his dark gaze. 

“If I hadn’t blocked the Bond, what would you have said to me?”   
  


Rey smiled sadly. 

“I don’t know.” she said with a lift of her shoulder.    
“I’d probably start with an apology. To tell you I was sorry. That I did lie when I told you it was just sex.”    
She stared at her hands on the table in front of her.    
“I wanted to tell you that I do care. About you. Very much. And that you were right. I am afraid. I’m afraid to trust you. Last time I did that, you broke my heart. It nearly killed me.”

  
Ben watched her closely, studying her expressions. He hesitantly reached out with the Bond, but it was wide open, every feeling, every thought right there at the surface, on display just for him. 

“When you showed up here, I was so angry. Not just at you, but at myself. Because I realized that I had been lying to myself. I wasn’t over you yet, no matter how much I wanted to claim otherwise. But then you got sick and I… I was so scared that I would lose you. When you woke up, I was so relieved. And then you were so sweet and... ”    
  
Rey laughed self-consciously.   
  


“You know how that part went.” She glanced over at Ben, who was sitting there, quiet and brooding. She gave him an apologetic little nodd. 

  
“I woke up and got so angry with myself. I had given in to you again, when I had sworn that wouldn’t happen. It just made me so mad! I wanted to make you go away so badly, I didn’t even think twice about hurting you. So, I said whatever I could to make you leave. And it worked. You took off.”    
  
She looked over at Ben, who was still staring at her in silence.   
  
“For what it’s worth, I regretted it instantly, though. In hurting you, I hurt myself as well. I tried to reach out through the Bond, but you had cut it off, and I couldn’t get in touch with you.”

“Does that surprise you?” He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head. 

Rey chuckled. 

“No, I can’t say that it does. I managed to block you for over six months. I think you could outlast me any day of the week if you set your mind to it.”    
  


Ben raised his eyebrow and his lips tilted upward ever so slightly, and only then did Rey realize just how suggestive that sounded. She blushed fiercely. 

“Were you going to tell me about the baby?” 

Rey felt how important her answer was to him through their Bond. 

“Yes,” she nodded. “When I found out, I was a little shocked, and I needed to think, but I couldn’t imagine  _ not _ telling you.” 

Ben glanced at the closed ramp and sighed. 

“Who else knows?” 

At Rey’s confused look, Ben explained himself further. 

  
“That I’m the father? Who knows?”

“Only your mother. She was the one who discovered I was pregnant.” 

Ben’s mouth pursed and Rey could sense his anger grow.    
  


“Are you ashamed of it?” 

“What? No!” Rey’s face contorted in a semblance of anger. 

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because it’s none of their business!” Rey sputtered. “Did you go back to the First Order and tell anyone who would listen that you shagged the Scavenger Girl?” 

Shock registered on Ben’s face before he was overtaken by anger. 

“What? No! Of course not!” 

  
“Then why did you think I would do the same?” 

Rey crossed her arms over her chest, and it only made her belly stick out more pronounced.    
Ben sighed and shoved his hand through his hair. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He huffed, exhaling slowly as he tried to reign in his temper. 

“This is a mess.” 

Rey’s eyes were downcast and she simply nodded in agreement. 

Ben took a sip from his cooling caf, and they both sat contemplating the next step in silence. 

“I just want you to know I’m sorry,” Rey said softly after five full minutes. 

“Yeah, me too,” Ben replied gruffly, obviously not used to saying that particular line. 

Rey looked up at him timidly. 

“I missed you,” she whispered.    
  


Ben’s eyes flew up to meet with hers.    
  


“You did?”    
  


She smiled sadly.    
  


“I did. Very much.”    
  


Ben’s mouth pursed, his chin softly trembling. He got up and took a few steps towards the ramp. He hung his head and let his hands settle at his hips. Ben sighed deeply and turned back towards her. 

“I’m not an easy man to deal with, Rey. I know that. I’m stubborn and entitled and I have an erratic temper.” He frowned at her and seemed to look for the right words. “I have made a lot of mistakes, and I’ve done some terrible things for reasons that seem meaningless now. I am not a good man. But I am trying to do better. To make things right.” 

He swallowed hard and Rey swore she saw something in his eyes, a sentiment she knew all too well: fear of being rejected.    
  


“For you,” he said so softly she had to strain to hear him. “I would do anything for you.”

“Anything?” she asked, her heart in her throat.

“Yes. Anything,” he said with total conviction. 

He took several steps closer until he stood right before her. He reached out, holding his hand out to her. The gesture was reminiscent of another time and place, one that had defined their paths to lead away from one another.    
  


“I’m not offering you to rule with me, Rey. I’m just asking you to stay with me. To be with me, no matter what the future holds. To let me be a father to our child. To spend the rest of my life by your side, trying to deserve you.”    
  


Rey looked up at him, tears pooling in her eyes. 

“You’re not even going to offer me your heart?”    
  


Ben smiled at her.    
  


“I cannot give you what is already yours.”   
  


Rey choked back on a sob. 

“Rey,” he said softly as he flexed his hand again, his voice hoarse and desperate “please?”    
  


Rey didn’t even hesitate. She quickly got up and instead of taking his hand, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the pent-up emotions she had in her. 

“I love you, Ben,” she whispered against his lips. 

“I love you so much, Rey. I missed you too,” He murmured between kisses. “All this time we’ve lost…”    
  


“Shut up and kiss me, Solo.” 

He chuckled against her lips.    
  


“Impatient, are we?”    
  


Rey leaned back and with mischief in her eyes replied slyly.    
  


“Blame those raging hormones.”    
  


Ben smiled.    
  


“You were right,” he said softly. “I should care about them.”    
  


He nipped at her neck, just below her ear and she shivered with pleasure. The sensation slithered along their Bond, sparking the slumbering desire between them.    
  


“Then show me how much you care.”   
  


“Don’t mind if I do.”

His mouth found hers in a searing kiss. 

  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Epilogue**

  
  


Leia had been pacing the floor for hours.    
  


She’d flown in as soon as word had reached her, setting new records in trying to reach Naboo as fast as she could. Han would have been proud. She had almost beaten his Kessel-Run record.    
  


She’d arrived four hours ago, but there had been no more news since her arrival. 

Concern and impatience drove her on, her heels tapping the marble floors rhythmically as she went from one side to the other.    
  


“Would you please sit down? You’re making me nervous.”

Leia looked at Poe sharply her eyes shooting daggers.    
  


“You’re lucky I’m too preoccupied to deal with you, or you would find yourself demoted,  _ again _ , Commander Dameron.” 

Finn, Rose and Kaydel started laughing, Chewie letting out a roar that agreed with her.    
Poe joined in next, and soon Leia herself couldn’t contain her hearty chuckle.    
  


The large double doors opened then, the med-droid coming out and walking up to Leia.    
  


“General Organa, your presence is requested.”    
  


Leia didn’t need to be asked twice. She barged inside and halted a few feet from the bed.    
The sight before her almost brought her to her knees.    
  


A radiant Rey sat in the center of the large bed, with Ben standing with his back to Leia. Rey whispered her name and tears of happiness slipped down her cheeks. Ben slowly turned around and Leia’s breath caught in her throat.    
  


In his arms, he held the most beautiful baby she had ever seen.    
A tiny little gurgling baby, with freckles on her golden skin and a full head of luscious dark curls.    
  


Ben’s attention was completely on the tiny bundle in his arms, as if he had never seen anything more perfect in his life.    
He looked up at Leia and there was a happy, goofy smile on his face, his eyes gleaming and bright with tears.    
  


“Mom,” he said softly, his voice hoarse and gruff with emotion, “I would like to introduce you to your granddaughter.” He looked down at the little girl in his arms, his lips trembling as tears threatened to overcome him.    
  


“Mom, meet Hannah.”    
  


Ben placed his daughter in his mother’s arms.    
  


Leia looked down on her granddaughter and tears slipped down her cheeks. She kissed the tiny baby on her sweet little forehead and the little girl’s eyes fluttered open, revealing familiar dark, soulful eyes.    
Leia smiled down and whispered sweet words of devotion.   
  


“Welcome, sweet Hannah. You are so loved. May the Force be with you, always.”    



End file.
